I don't remember them all (I challenge any of you to remember the details of your 3rd birthday... can't do it, huh?) but I think my earliest birthday memory was my fifth. Children in my kindergarten class got to wear a crown on their birthdays. The only problem was, mine fell at the end of August. This is traumatic for a young kid who wants to wear that glorious crown made out of construction paper and held in place with staples. I did get to wear one on the last day of school... but I had to share the spotlight with 6 other yahoos. There I sat with the other summer birthday children, wishing I had my own day all to myself like every other smug fuck in that little room.
On my 6th birthday, we spent the evening at my Grandma and Papa's house. It was evening and we had cake and I don't remember many things that happened (because I was probably too busy running throughout the house screaming, "EVERYBODY LOVES ME! IT'S MY BIRTHDAY!!!!) but I do remember us, at the end of the night, sitting out front, like we always did on summer evenings, aunts, uncles, my older brother... when my mom and dad came walking up rolling a strawberry shortcake bicycle... ARE YOU KIDDING ME? Strawberry Shortcake was the shit in 1982. That's right, mother fuckers. There's a new bitch in town and she doesn't have to walk anywhere anymore... she will be blazing by on her Strawberry Shortcake bike with a strawberry-covered banana seat and a red and white basket to hold my crap.
On my 8th birthday, my parents threw me a pool party and invited a bunch of kids from my class. It was my first big party with friends. It was super fun; we swam, listened to music, and ate hamburgers and hot dogs that my dad cooked on the grill... and in front of all the kids, I opened up my Aunt Ceci's gift: a training bra. Thanks Ceci!
We always made it a point to do things just the family, before any big hooplah, so this is our cake without all the kids, on my actual birthday. Check out the sweet bear candle... my mom picked that out, I'm sure. Also, I'm kind of loving that checkered-heart tee-shirt.
Sometimes, in August, the weather doesn't cooperate and this brings us to 1989... I had some of my friends over on this particularly cold day to hang out... because at 13, you don't play games anymore. You "hang out." This I learned from my more mature (cool) friend, Mary, when I mistakenly asked her to come over and play and she shamed me. Anyway, I had my crew of girls over to hang out and I wore my new white Champion sweatshirt because it was chilly and raining and because Champions were the coolest back then. We hung out upstairs in my room, far away from my parents because we had important shit to discuss (other girls and our crushes) and one of my friends gave me a Le Click camera. I was really excited about it but when the girl who gave it to me went down to the bathroom, my other friend quickly informed me that that camera was very cheap and not at all a good gift. Oh. I shouldn't like it? (I still liked it.)
My 16th birthday was something that only Long Island people will understand... I had a Sweet 16 party, complete with printed invitations, favors, a DJ, and balloons. Many girls had these expensive parties and my parents couldn't exactly afford this and so, I vowed (and I did) to give them every cent I made from the gifts to pay for the party... I wore a gorgeous long white dress, had my hair and nails done and did the cake-lighting ceremony, where each of the 16 candles was dedicated to family and friends. I danced to Sixteen Candles with my dad. I still can't hear that song without thinking of that dance. My family was such a bunch of good sports to go along with that nonsense of a fancy party.
On my 18th birthday, I engaged in some interesting activities with my friends Karen, Sean, and Mike and will skip the details. It was the first time I ever thought I could possibly go out of my mind. I also found hot dog buns to be among the most fascinating substance on the face of the earth.
By the time I was 21, I was so over birthdays that I didn't care that I could legally drink. My boyfriend at the time tried, to no avail, to convince me to at least have one drink to celebrate but I assured him I wanted nothing more than to watch whatever movie was playing on cable and call it a night. And that is exactly what we did.
My very first birthday in Portland was spent with people from my temp job at Tazo Tea and my friend and roomate at the time, Allison. We went to a terrible Irish bar and then sat in my new car for a minute. Uneventful but I sort of remember thinking it was fun at the time.
One of my favorite birthdays was the year I turned 26. Allison and I had just moved to Southeast Portland and my friend, Nikki had moved from New York earlier that summer. We threw a giant party and loads of people came. We had no cake, so at one point, my friend, Benno, took it upon himself to go and track something birthday-like down. He came back with a doughnut and a votive candle and pulled everyone together to sing to me in our backyard. That's good effort. Benno is good with birthdays. He gave me a bunch of CDs he no longer listened to (because rather than throwing them away, put them to good use) and a coupon that I was free to use any time to do anything I wanted, his treat. We ended up going out for dinner and drinks with that coupon. Also, our coworker from that middle school I worked at that year had a gift for me and kept insisting that it was no big deal. When I opened it, I saw it was a painting of a dancer that she said she got at the Saturday Market. She said it reminded her of me (I used to take ballet) and I loved it... in fact, I got it professionally framed and it's hanging up above my head right now, 11 years later and across the country. Thank you, Tiffany.
Turning 30 is a big goddam deal. Or so they say. I remember waking up on my 30th birthday to a phone call from my then boyfriend, who said to stay home for a bit if I can, that something was being delivered. I made myself a cup of coffee and sat outside on the steps of my building in the sun with Finn. Within minutes, a navy blue bug pulls up (I don't know how I remembered that detail) and out comes this giant bouquet of flowers. That night, I invited a bunch of people to come have dinner at the Kennedy School and people showed up with some fun little gifts and we sat outside and talked and ate for hours. I loved loved loved my 30th birthday.
On my 32nd, I only remember sushi with my ex, a holga camera, and walking around for hours with my friend, Galina, taking pictures. She took me for lunch at Foodswings. Foodswings is not what it used to be but that day was super fun. We sat by the East River and talked nonstop about whatever popped into our heads. It was a low key and memorable birthday. No cake. Nothing fancy. Just a couple of new friends hanging out.
The following year, I decided to have dinner just with Galina and Andrew. They took me to Wild Ginger (always vegan for Galina :) and Andrew gave me a video camera! Galina gave me vintage tomato salt and pepper shakers, which was super thoughtful because she called me Tomato due to my love of the song, Hang On Little Tomato by Pink Martini. I have them on my oven. They are very cute. After dinner, we walked down to Relish (which is now closed) to have a dessert party. A bunch of other people met us there and we ate all kinds of desserts and then walked back to sit on my stoop and bullshit. That was a fun one.
My 34th birthday was a strange one. Galina took me out for dinner at Blossom but she was in a bad mood. I didn't yet know that things were going to get worse from there. She was about to have back surgery and move back to Portland. And since birthdays make me emotional, I cried when I left her... and I had no idea that would be the last time I ever saw her.
I decided for my 35th that I wasn't going to be mellow. I turned it up a notch. I created a facebook invite and invited 20-something friends to a dinner at Baci & Abracci. Earlier in the day, I prepared by going to a party goods store (what the hell are those places called? You know, like Party City) and buying tons of little plastic animals, candy, bouncy balls, and sheriff's badges and made party bags like you used to get from a kid's birthday party. Whatever happened to those? That should be standard. You have a birthday, you make party bags for everyone! My friend Jared took it upon himself to make a mousse and they sang happy birthday.
And then last year, I was in Peru. I was dealing with the loss of Galina, who left us a month earlier and I planned it so I could be alone in Machu Picchu on my birthday. I could spend the day by myself in quiet and say a proper goodbye to my friend. That was one of most humbling birthdays I ever had. I left feeling lighter. I think she heard the words being spoken from that sacred place.
And that brings us, dear friends, to the big 3-7. I contemplated giving myself the gift of eternal youth and maybe I would start on this particular birthday lying about my age, but that's not my style. Hell, I look good for my age and who wants to pretend they're in their 20s? So, instead, I will spend the day at the beach if the weather is nice and if not, maybe karaoke or get our nails done followed by dinner at a fun place none of us have been to in the West Village. My friend, Julia has already started coming up with some Plan B ideas if the beach is a no-go and Marisa made sure to text me at midnight on the dot to say happy birthday. And that, people, is what good birthdays are made of. You have to appreciate the things the people in your life are willing to do for you. Appreciate every phone call, every card, every text, every facebook post, every smile. I really appreciate the fact that my mom made sure to get a text in early in case I'm out and about tomorrow and she can't get ahold of me. These are the little special moments to cherish.
Birthdays change so much from year to year and I'll admit, I've had some shitty and forgettable birthdays (all the ones not mentioned above) but I decided a few years ago that I will have a happy birthday every chance I get. It's the one day a year I get to run around telling people something that makes them smile and hug me... why not milk it? Maybe I'll make myself a paper crown tomorrow. There definitely won't be anyone else wearing one.
