Top Ten List of All Time Disturbing Movies According to ME

I love movies. I don't fancy myself a film buff because I know people who have seen far more movies than I have and I also haven't necessarily seen all the staples. Citizen Kane, the Godfather movies, Star Wars, or Lord of the Rings have never had the pleasure of meeting my DVD player, (hell, I haven't even seen any of the Twilight movies) but I have seen a few movies in my time. And living in NYC, I have an abundant amount of quirky art house movies that don't play many places. This is one of the reasons I love NYC so much- the movies.

Some questions I use to gauge how much I liked a movie include: Did I leave the theater wanting to talk about it? Did I have questions that I wanted to see if I could find the answers through conversation or a little Internet search? Did I wake up the next morning thinking about it? Those are generally the guiding questions. Sometimes, I leave the theater content, having enjoyed the movie, but have nothing to ponder or discuss or research... this is one of the "forgettable movies." Sometimes I leave or turn off a movie before it's over because I know I can't sit through it. This is an "unwatchable." Sometimes, I'm watching a movie and I am so transfixed that I know I'm going to watch it again very soon to catch all the things I might have missed. And then there are the movies that I know has, in some way, buried a little egg under my skin to be hatched. This egg is going to cause me to itch and scratch (obsess and read mass reviews) for a loooooooong time. And I know it sounds unpleasant (and sometimes it is... thank you very much, Martha Marcy May Marlene!) but in so many ways, it's not. You see, I like to think and I really enjoy thinking about disturbing and strange things. And I like when things aren't wrapped up in a neat little bow because that is not realistic and we all know that.

So, my list, my Top Ten List of All Time Disturbing Movies According to ME, is made up of those movies that have laid their eggs in my brain, so to speak. These are the movies that I still reference and think about can't seem to shake from my mind grapes.

Without further ado, I am going to list out, complete with a brief synopsis, the Top Ten List of All Time Disturbing Movies According to ME:

10. Requiem for a Dream (2000)
Directed by Darren Aronofsky
Darren Aronofsky does an excellent job of throwing the viewer into the middle of these four peoples' messed up lives. We've got three junkies and an ill-advised, television-addicted mother who desperately wants to lose weight for a day that will never come. The camera-work and coloring of the film helps add to the change that develops over the course of the story. I give this movie EIGHT ABSCESSES.

9. Half Nelson (2006)
Directed by Ryan Fleck
Ryan Gosling plays a middle school Social Studies teacher in Brooklyn, New York. Hey! Just like me! The only difference is I'm not addicted to crack. I don't smoke crack on school nights, weekends, or in the girl's bathroom at my school. So, if you haven't seen this movie, you might be thinking, "so what? a teacher is a crackhead and I'm supposed to go rent this movie?" Yes. Mr. Dunn (Ryan G.) is spiraling and it is a train wreck that you cannot take your eye off of. You are given minimal glimpses of what few relationships he actually has and those few interactions tell you so much about this character. He does a phenomenal job (duh. it's my man, ryan) and the co-star also does some kick-ass acting as an eighth grade student who is privy to information beyond what a 14 year-old-kid should know. They become friends, in a sense. She is kind of his only friend and vice versa. And if that doesn't make you want to watch this movie, than I question your taste in movies. I give this one NINE FAT CIVIL RIGHTS BINDERS.

8. Grey Gardens (1975)
Directed by Ellen Hovde, Albert and David Maysles, and Muffie Meyer
According to my sources, this was the very first "reality show," setting the stage for the plethera of genius television shows ready for our viewing pleasure. Meet Big Edie. Now meet Little Edie. They are a mother-daughter duo so comical, they'll have you whizzing in your pants. No, seriously, this is not a comedy and it's not for the faint at heart because there are aspects of their home that may make you want to throw up a little in your mouth... just a little though. The Edies are relatives of Jackie O. They were aristocrats, if you will. Husband leaves. Not having any clue as to how to take care of herself or her sprawling Hamptons estate, Big Edie's life, as she knows it, falls apart. Little Edie decides to come home for a bit to be with Mom because she, too, is having a tough time. Coming home for a little bit turns into forever. The two of them let the once beautiful mansion go to the raccoons and the cats that eat their walls and their food (they feed them) and they take up residence in the one functional room left. And this room is gross. I give this one SEVEN FLEA-BITTEN CATS.

7. Valley of the Dolls (1967)
Directed by Mark Robson
Sharon Tate. Patty Duke. Barbara Parkins. There's a song that plays and replays throughout by Deonne Warwick; you can't hate this movie. Well, you can, but I can't. AND I WON'T!!! It is based on the Jacqueline Susann novel that was considered edgy and ahead of its time. This movie is oddly comforting to me. I love the fashion aspect of it and seeing the old entertainment industry and ladies ordering a sherry at dinner, with their elegant evening gowns and their thick false lashes. We watch three girls in the entertainment world, all at various phases. And you know what happens when you mix dolls with booze? Well, nothing good! The movie, very unlike the book, takes an up-turn at the end. That's probably the only complaint I can think of. I give it SEVEN DOLLS.

6. Martha Marcy May Marlene (2011)
Directed by Sean Durkin
The littlest Olsen sister proves to be the best Olsen sister in her role as Martha, a conflicted young adult who runs away from a cult and has to do her best to pick up the pieces of her messy life and try to act like a normal human being. Tall order for this girl. She has been through some heavy shit, which we, the viewers, get to see in flashback style. And you can see this girl's descent through the layers of hell as the cult she joins goes from sunshine hippie, music-playing, orgie-having, vegetables growing in the sun commune to misogynistic, fucked up, mind-controlled, crazy-ass twisted don't know who to trust and can't express what you're thinking, can't tell anymore reality from fantasy because you've been mind-raped so hard cult. This movie stuck with me for a long time and I still find myself thinking a lot about it, mostly because that shit happens. Cults are real. It was like the Manson Family- started out so happy and comforting and free and ended, well, in pretty much the same way. Patrick, the cult leader in MMMM didn't re-enact the crucifiction of Jesus while they were all tripping their balls off on acid, but he did fuck with them with his own brand of messed up flavor. I give this one TWO SUN-RIPENED TOMATOES, TWO PROTEIN BARS, and FIVE DATE RAPE DRUGS

5. Synechdoche, New York (2008)
Directed by Charlie Kaufmann.
I watched this movie one day, not realizing what a gem I had been missing all those years. I can't explain this movie. It's a play within a play, actors and rehearsals getting ready for a play that never happens. Actors become writers, What we thought was only a week turns out to be years, people disappear. There's a house that's always on fire. There's a twelve-year-old that's been encouraged to tattoo her entire body for fame. There are cartoons playing in the background with the characters from the movie. With so much weirdness, it's no wonder I had to re-watch it within days. And I still don't get this movie. But I do know it is one of my all time favorites. Phillip Seymore Hoffman plays an amazing self-absorbed, aloof, hypochondriac. Katherine Keener (who I am in love with) plays the perfect bitch artist. This movie is a work of genius, as far as I'm concerned. I give this movie TEN BURNING HOUSES.

4. Leolo (1992)
Directed by Jean-Claude Lauzon
I really don't know that many people that have seen this French Canadian film. I think this movie is so bizarre and beautiful and painful to watch. It's also quirky. You've got these odd scenes of fantasy mixed in with this mentally sick family. The protagonist escapes through his imagination, allowing him to live the life he believes he was meant to have. The family is in and out of the mental institution, leaving Mom and Leolo (Leo) to remain the pillars of strength for the family. The end of this movie is so sad, I think I may have cried all three times that I've seen it. I give Leolo EIGHT AND A HALF PIECES OF RAW LIVER.

3. The Baby (1973)
Directed by Ted Post
This movie is a cult classic, rife with an insane story-line and bad acting, but god does it work! A family of women (mother and two daughters) have an odd case that goes to an idealistic social worker. The mother has given birth to a baby boy and thirty years later, he is still a baby. They even call him baby. There are ridiculous dubbed baby cries when he opens his mouth and it's so silly, but in so many ways, it's one of the more disturbing movies I've seen. Especially this one scene involving a cattle prodder... I give this movie SEVEN MAN-SIZED SETS OF FOOTY PAJAMAS

2. Who's Afraid of Virginia Woolf? (1966)
Directed by Mike Nichols
This movie is disturbing simply because of how two seemingly normal people could be so incredibly ugly and scary to each other. Especially after they've had many cocktails. It takes place over the course of a single night but it feels like an eternity. George and Martha are a bitter couple who seem to get off on the alcohol-fueled fights. I give this movie EIGHT AND A HALF CIGARETTES.

1. Gummo (1997)
Directed By Harmony Korine
The first time I saw this movie, the VHS (see how long ago it was?!) was sitting at my boyfriend's apartment up in Plattsburgh, New York. I said that I wanted to watch it and he said it was very disturbing. I assured him that I could handle it and popped in this Harmony Korine flick. Well, within the first five minutes, there was a teenage boy wearing bunny ears (known as the bunny boy and who I would later find out would haunt me for the next 14 years of my life) peeing off of a bridge and then quickly switched over to a boy shoving a cat in a barrel of water. At first, I watched, detached. And then I thought, 'I don't want to watch this trashy kid kill a cat!' So, I turned it off. At that point, it was logged in my mind under unwatchable. But even though it had only played for a few minutes, that egg was implanted and just waiting to hatch; scratching and moving around. Eventually, I watched Gummo, for real, but not until 2010. Set in Xenia, Ohio, Gummo is a series of vignettes of the residents of this backwater town, showing their boring, self-destructive lives. In the aftermath of a hurricane, everything seemed to get swept up and simply stay where they landed for the next decades or so. The characters are pretty twisted (we meet a guy who pimps out his sister who is retarded, boys who hunt cats and sell them for money to buy paint to huff, and a gay midget to name a few); we get vignettes of the people who live in Xenia. We go in and out of houses that could show up one day on that show, Hoarders. Some of the footage taken was real, like a chair-wrestling scene, that apparently was an actual party. These characters all weave a tapestry together (a trashy tapestry, but a tapestry, nonetheless) of life in a once disaster-stricken town. I give Gummo NINE DROWNED CATS.

So, there you have it. I hope that if you're like me, you will be inspired to be disturbed by these mini-reviews. Do it! Oh, and YOU'RE WELCOME!