manifest destiny

east coast vs. west coast

the inner dialogue that has been happening since circa 2008

EAST COAST PROS (NYC):
rap! kidding but not
break dancing on friday afternoons at the Union Square subway station
mega-movies... so many awesome movies
history galore
i don't need a car
proximity to my family
so many museums
art
star sightings
fashion
my friends
my living situation
i walk to work
my students are hysterical
cultures residing in such close proximity
ny is REAL-- in your face
food- all of it
my gym
architecture
if you can make it there (here) you'll make it anywhere!

So the thing about NYC is that it is amazing; no doubt. There is something about it; the energy, the amount of things I have going on, the classes I take, the fun I have, the people I meet. I love it. But on the down-side, I really do miss nature. I also totally miss having space for my things, both at home and at school. And I'm also pretty sure my dog would not really miss Brooklyn.
Taking the subway can either be really awesome or it can really suck. The amount of stairs I climb in a day, every day is ridiculous. The subway is draining and occasionally you'll get to sit near someone who barfs or thinks it's ok to clip their nails.
Walking around NYC, I find myself thinking about fresh air; sweet air. I want to smell trees. I want to smell lavendar and ocean, pine. I smell urine, garbage, and car fumes normally. Except for two nights a week that I get to smell the bread baking at the Polish bakery a few doors down.


WEST COAST PROS (LA):
nature
weather
cleanliness
space
finn can get more exercise
i'll have a car to take road trips
i can take finn swimming and camping
proximity to the beach
i would probably have a ton more space in my school- a middle school with a bell system and lockers and teachers have their own classrooms
healthier living
people are more eco-conscious/ friendly
laid back
sunny
mmmm... mexican food
lemon trees
palm trees

I think mentally, I might need it. The thing that scares me about LA, though, is the lack of community. Nobody walks around. Also, Charles Manson lived there. That fact kind of freaks me out. I know I'm being silly and, yes, I'm kind of kidding, but it's still a bit chilling. People in California generally aren't as dirty as New Yorkers. I wake up and walk through trash and that is a total downer. Sometimes I'll walk out my door and there will be garbage left behind on my stoop. Not cool. That's the thing about LA; more space that is YOURS. But then again, I meet lots of cool people because we're all so crowded in... It's a good thing and a bad thing. However, I am thirty-five. I need room to breathe. Yes, I'm thinking mentally and physically, the westward migration might need to happen sooner than later. I'm sure the universe will open a door and send me a signal.

world is to oyster as foliage is to __________.

The world is our oyster!
People say that all the time:
"What are you doing this weekend?"
"I don't know; the world is my oyster!"
Ok. I lied. No one says that in real life.
Ok. I lied again. I say it. I say it often. When I say it, it's often because this part of me believes that the world is my oyster and everything is just there for the taking. If I want to have a crazy night out, I can do that. If I want to hop on a train and visit some random city, I can do that too. The truth is, I don't do those things as often as I'd like to. I say "the world is my oyster" to try to motivate myself. It's like a gentle reminder, "life is short; really live." But here's the thing: I fear I don't know exactly what that means.

If you were to talk to members of my family, they'd say I was a wild child who can't be tied down; or as my father says, "you get antsy. I give you another year before you move again." My grandmother has this old school phone book and by my name, there are phone numbers and addresses in the double digits. I left my Long Island home and never looked back. I went to many different colleges and stayed up late nights and did things that just wouldn't be allowed in the real world, I studied in London, backpacked for almost a month, interned in Alaska, moved across the country to Oregon, then six years later, moved back east to NYC. I was directed into a major that would allow me to mostly always be in high demand, while I could still practice what I want to really do. I got mostly all the jobs I interview for (as a kid and as an adult). And then it all just sort of stopped. Life in the fast lane seems to be over. I have taken off my helmet.

I woke up two Novembers ago and realized I hadn't used my passport in over a decade. Granted, in that time I was playing on the west coast, but I remember coming back from London with that feeling. I had been bitten. I wanted... no needed to see more. The word AGAIN came to mind and it's funny because just as I was about to write it, I looked over at a print I have hung on the wall next to my bed. It says AGAIN on a roughly drawn blue sky above roughly drawn green grass; the colors are rather jarring. I hung that print on my wall a few years ago and have sometimes looked at it, thinking, that's actually not that pleasing to look at... why did I buy that? Should I take it down? But I never do. And just now, I realized why it's there.

While I may look back at my life and think there's little I would change, the truth is, when I was in it, I didn't see things that way. Right now, I work at this rock and roll middle school with kids I enjoy seeing. I live in one of those rare apartments that is comfortable to live in and to pay for. I have a roomate that is so easy to get along with and fun to have around. I have Manhattan just a hop and skip away. I have wonderful people who work right across the street from me. I have friends from different areas and times of my life to hang around with. And while none of this might be life in the fast lane material, it is what it is for now. Who knows where my next trip will be? Who knows what will happen in two years, two months, or two days from now? I think the saying, the world is your oyster, really is just a reminder to take chances in your life and jump on opportunities without having too much fear. But it doesn't mean that every day and night has to be epic. And that's what I seem to forget. Because, really, if you're cracking oysters every day and every night, you will be tired and your stomach will hurt. You need these periods of rest to counter the crazy.