I don't mean that I can't rationalize or plan or learn. Obviously, I can. I would be in a lot of trouble if that were the case being that I am a Social Studies teacher. I mean that while I ate my popcorn, I wanted my mind to wander and it wouldn't. I didn't have anything to daydream about. I tried to force something, trying hard to conjure up images of me wandering around a busy market place in Morocco or hanging out with a hippo in Madagascar, but it wouldn't go further than me standing in one place. I couldn't make myself move around or interact or explore. I realized that I haven't been flexing my creative muscle very much.
When I was in high school, I got in trouble all the time for daydreaming. I lived in my mind so much so that I would blink and everyone would be working on something and I would have no idea what the fuck was going on. Usually, in middle school and high school, I would day dream about boys. As an adult, I've trained myself not to let my mind wander there. It's pointless; fruitless. It is a let-down to come back to reality after fantasizing about the boy you are madly in love with professing his love for you while Sweet Song by Blur plays in the background. Now, when my mind wanders, usually one of three things happens:
1. I begin to fret. I fret about work. I fret about family. I fret about my future. I fret about friends. Give me a few minutes and I will find something to fret about.
2. I daydream about upcoming trips. You can see how when I have no upcoming trips (like now), this poses a problem.
3. I plan my week. I jam on my planner. If there's nothing there, I will put in what classes I will take at the gym. I have to have a full calendar.
I guess being an adult has made me two things, really:
1. a worrier (who am I kidding? I came out of the womb worrying, "what if the doctor doesn't cut my umbilical cord correctly? what if i'm a weird case where I don't grow larger and I'm this size forever?" you know, baby-frets.
and
2. pragmatic.
The second thing came as a huge surprise to me. I fought really hard to never be tied down, refusing to buy nice furniture until I was nearly 30 in case I wanted to up and leave. I would also do things for the sheer thrill of it so that I would have a story to tell. Now, I think through my actions. I plan a little bit more. I do things that make me a better person. But what about the creative part? What about the ability to let my mind wander to a far off place that makes me feel really happy?
In The Secret and The Law of Attraction (yes. I read both of them), it says that we must allow ourselves to daydream about those things we really want in order to will it in into our lives. It says that it's the feeling that brings the energy of that desired thing toward you. Therefore, you have to allow yourself to feel the happiness that comes along with fantasizing about something you really really want and feel that feeling that would, in reality, accompany getting that thing that you really really want, be it $10,000,000 or your dream house or a stranger walking down the street and accidentally tripping you and then helping you up, only to look into your eyes and fall madly in love with you in that very moment. I don't allow myself to think very much about these things. The money fantasy creeps in every now and then, but I don't give it much attention.
Maybe I should! Who says you have to stop fantasizing when you become pragmatic? So what if I don't have a trip planned? Why not fantasize about going to Norway? And just because it would be extremely difficult to get citizenship and make a living in Reykjavik, why can't I daydream about living there and taking after work swims and weekend drives to the lava fields?
Now that I think about it, I do daydream a lot more when I'm traveling. It awakens something in me. There's no TV or computer at my fingertips to distract me from letting my mind wander. I've got nothing to fret about or if it starts, I shut it down quickly reminding myself that this is called a vacation for a reason!
I guess, the truth is, when you have a life that is full and fun and busy, you don't need to retreat into fantasy quite so often. Maybe this is less of a deficit than I thought. I should take it as a clue that I live in quite a nice little world.
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