dating: for dummies?

Let's be real. Nobody really likes dating. I haven't talked to anyone in years who has said that they thoroughly enjoy dating. I was recently set up by a really good friend of mine. I was ok with it because she is tight with this guy and I had met him and believed him to be a bonafide babe. I pretty much couldn't wait for that date. And after a month or so... I knew in my heart, as awesome (and adorable) as this guy was, we weren't right for each other. So, pretty soon, the dates became not fun, just like all the others.

A first date holds a lot of anxiety and hope, dread and excitement. I have been on all types of bad dates: there was one with a guy I had met sitting down at a bar. When he came to pick me up, I noticed he was about 6" shorter than me... and I'm short! I went on a date with a guy who kept touching my arm and my shoulder and my back and the small of my back, and trying to hold my hand. I pretty much wanted to kick this guy square in the pants. I went out with a guy who left me at the bar ordering a drink and disappeared for about 20 minutes or so. When I found him, he was talking to a girl that was a "family friend." Or how about the guy who thought it was appropriate to bite me? That was fun. I went on a date with someone who made hiking plans with me and never showed up. That was even funner.

I also know that there have been a few dates with people that I knew I never wanted to see again and so I went the distance to make it horrible, usually by getting really drunk, laying all my worst cards out on the table, talking way too much about things that I usually would never talk about, just so the guy would not ask me out again and I wouldn't have to worry about that awkward conversation explaining that "it's just not there between us but I would really like for us to be friends."

And while it may be true that the bad dates far outweigh the good, let's remember that they haven't all been bad dates. I've been on neutral dates (most are neutral, aka, forgettable) and I've been on dates that make me want to shout out of my window how much fun Ia had. Hell, some of those dates even turned into, gasp, relationships, one even turning into a brief engagement.

So, why are the bad dates the most memorable? Well, I have a theory: you know how we like to talk about our problems? Or is that just me? (horror). Well, maybe we remember these bad dates to laugh about them, to tell our friends and compare notes, and to wear as a badge of honor. It's like earning the Purple Heart. (If either one of my grandfathers heard me say that, I might have to get the boot surgically removed from my ass.) But the truth is, a bad date is painful.

We go on dates because we hope. We go on dates because we think something amazing could come out of it. We go on dates because you just never know. It's like working out- you grunt and sweat and push yourself until you think you might collapse, but you do it because you know there will be a pay off in the end.

And usually, I end up learning something about myself, about people, and what I want out of dating and the world of relationships. With every date, I get closer and closer to figuring out what it is I am searching for and why it is that I am so incredibly picky. And I realize more and more that it is worth it to wait for that one quality person with whom you click so well that the dating can stop and the relationship can begin.