Today, work started out on a bumpy road. I thought to myself, "this day is shit." As soon as I had a minute to breathe, I walked into my friend's classroom to commiserate, as she was having a rough time last week. I figured she'd have something to add and we could bitch about how we both feel bad together. Why is it that I really feel violent towards an outwardly happy person when I'm feeling bad? Why can't I let their mood rub off on me instead of wanting to drag them through a muddy puddle by the feet, the whole time thinking: "that oughta wipe that shit-eating grin off their stupid face!"
It's because being in a rut, wallowing, feeling sorry for yourself, and throwing yourself an all-out pity party takes a lot less energy than turning your thinking around, forcing yourself to make healthy decisions for yourself, no matter what. It's easy to wallow. It's easy to put your pajamas on, flop down in front of the tv with a pint of ice cream or a chocolate chip cookie the size of your head, and give a giant middle finger to the world, surrendering your power to the darkness. It's a lot harder and takes work and tons of character to pull yourself together and remind yourself that this too shall pass and you will still live your awesome life with a smile.
Anyway, I walked into my friend's room and we talked about how times is hard. (No. That is not a typo- I prefer the saying 'times is hard.' It reminds me of Helena Bonham Carter singing to Johnny Depp in Todd Sweeney, while rolling the roaches out of her dough for her grotesque meat pies.) After we discussed what was going on for us, my friend, Sue, who is wise beyond her years and always has been, even in college when we were throwing up in alleys after drinking too much and spending money on bad tattoos and belly button rings, Sue went mountain biking on weekends, swam during the week, and studied a little bit every night at the same time. Sometimes, I wanted to kill her for having it all figured out. Now I see that I am lucky to get to talk to this wealth of amazing knowledge every weekday! So, this wise friend of mine made one statement that made me think about bad moods and crap days and shitty luck for the rest of my Monday and right up until now, early evening. She said, "... this morning, I decided to be in a good mood." It was in the context of what was going on for her and it stuck with me. She decided to be in a good mood. It is all in our power to change our moods whenever we want.
The thing is, I get into modes where I don't want to change my mood and that's when it feels like it's less of a choice and more of a jail sentence. "I hereby sentence you to three weeks of a crappy mood and you will feel down, your luck will be bad, and your friends won't understand you." Great. But this mood of mine, this fragile state, as I like to call it, has been hanging around for about a week and after Sue made that simple statement, I realized that I want to, have the power to, and will get myself into a better state of living.
In The Art of Happiness, the Dalai Lama talks about how serenity and happiness are a choice but it's a choice that you have to work at. It doesn't come naturally and easily every day to everyone. To be truly happy from within, to smile with your mouth, heart, brain, liver, skin, and every other fiber of your being takes dedication, work, and practice. That's the thing. You have to make a concentrated effort to look at what is bad and find what is good. One of the nicest and happiest people who works in my building said just that one day. Because I asked him. I asked, "How do you manage to stay so happy and graceful when things can be so annoying and crazy sometimes?" and he said that old cliche that is 100% true. He said, "whenever that stuff happens, I look until I find the good in it. I look at the glass as half full and not half empty."
And that, my friends, takes work. But like all work, in the end, you feel like you did a job well done when you put your time in.
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