Do you ever wonder why you could be flying high and hitting every stroke of luck you possibly can and then, one day, something unlucky will happen and it's just a string of luckless crap from there on out. And luck is luck. You can't do a thing about it. You just have to do your best to ride out the shit storm that has gathered above your life and hope, like all storms, it will pass soon enough without any casualties (casualties, of course being people I may have to murder to keep sane).
Now, I know I'm no cheerleader-type, peppy girl who goes through life with a smile on her face all the time, always assuming everyone is amazing and with every rainstorm comes a rainbow. I can be grumpy. I can be cynical as all hell. I am snarky and quick with a sarcastic comment or retort. However, I feel like I've been giving this looking at life through rose-colored glasses thing a real shot. What gives? Isn't it supposed to be that you think positive thoughts and transmit positive energy to yourself, thus surrounding yourself with positivity? Am I doing something wrong? Is it possible that even when I think I am being completely thankful and graceful and happy that my negativity may be spewing from some unknown orifice? Can your energy trick you? You can think you're happy and trying to be positive and your energy that is coming across to others is coming out and shape-shifting, like, "we're free! let's turn bad!" Does my energy feel like I'm too strict with it so by the time it leaves, it rebels? Jeez. I already have to deal with 130 rebellious 12 and 13-year-olds five days a week. Isn't that enough?
I'll tell you in September, I had quite a few things happen that I saw right away was a lucky gift and I thanked the Universe up and down. And then, from then on, I was in a pretty consistent upswing. Then, a bad luck occurrence, followed by another then another then ... pretty soon, it felt as though someone had stuck a pin in my optimistic attitude balloon and popped that shit hard! Once the bad luck happened, it was on. The Universe against Laura. And guess who's winning?
I am trying to keep a super positive attitude even with what seems to be a bad luck charm I seem to be carrying around and laugh all these little incidents off. I keep telling myself that, like everything else, it'll pass soon enough, but man! It's been weeks of this. And I'm at my rope's end. And it's all at work. I just feel like I'm constantly in trouble, in the doghouse. And I hate it. At work, I feel the best strategy is to lay low and walk softly, and unfortunately, I am not too gifted in either of these areas. I am getting better every year, though. I know that for a fact. And the thing is, I like my job. But just like that student that can't handle failing a quiz or getting reprimanded, I want to be appreciated and that's it. I don't want to be in a negative spotlight ever. I want my bosses to trust in me and respect me and see the good things that I do. I think this is pretty normal, right?
I guess the moral of the story here is that I can't let it knock me down. I've got to keep the ol' chin up, a smile on my face and not lose my cool. No matter how many unlucky little crappy things may happen, I've got to remember all the good that lies below the surface that I may forget about from time to time.
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