on giving birth

I, like most women my age, have been wondering more and more if being a mom is in the cards for me. When I see expectant new mamas with their pregnant bellies, I think that I would not want to miss out on that experience. When the newborn baby cuddles into you, it's such a love and a peacefulness that I will only comprehend from the outside. Today, I visited an old friend of mine from high school and her insanely cute four-month-old baby. I definitely left with some thoughts.

For one thing, that baby is cute. All the other babies that my friends have had over the years are too. Those parents are going to have the luxury of watching him/ her grow up, through all those amazing phases every human goes through. When you have a baby, you are forced to put stupid thoughts/ problems on the back burner. This little person needs you, so petty things don't rate as high in your life anymore, they can't because you're too wiped out from breast-feeding, swaddling, laundry, burping, and diaper changing.

Having a baby also means that you get to experience the kind of love that you didn't know existed until the baby came along. This is one of those life-altering events that babyless people will never have the opportunity to experience.

But, we've got a lot of pros for babies here. There are significant downfalls as well and let's not forget them. For one, going out to eat is hard. You've got to find a place that's not too small, so you can fit yourself, baby, stroller, diaper bag, etc. If the baby starts crying, you've got to stop eating... and then guess what happens after the baby is done crying and other patrons have given you annoyed looks... YOUR FOOD IS COLD! That is some heavy shit right there, huh? What about when your baby shits while you're shopping... what then? You also don't get to go to the movies as often (and if you're like me, you like to go to the movies, like, once a week) This would seriously bum me out.

Your needs no longer come first. When you venture out, it's with, like, a hundred extra pounds of crap; and when you live in NYC, that's an even bigger deal. Every little thing has to be thought through just a little bit more; taking a shower, having enough food in the house, having all the right items in your diaper bag, sleeping, etc. This seems particularly daunting to me: a person who puts minimal thought into how I live my daily life.

I am by no means trying to point out that having babies sucks. I don't think that to be the case. This seems to have turned into my little way of trying to figure out if this is something I might want someday or not; sort of like a public pros & cons list.

And the truth is, child birth is beautiful. Being a parent is beautiful. It's the type of experience that we'll never understand until we're in it. All those difficulties that come along with it fade into the recesses of your memory because when you look into the eyes of a brand new, innocent, beautiful baby who looks up at you, their mom or dad with that look of love, wonder, and amazement, everything else seems like nothing but petty nonsense.

And, hey, I bet hearing how cute your baby is never gets old.