a quiet routine

I've never been one to be comfortable doing mundane things. I like to be really busy, my calendar completely filled up with events, movies, plays, phone dates, coffee dates, road trips, etc. And the fact is, lately, life has been so mellow. I've gotten into a quiet routine during the week of staying late at work to tie up all my loose ends, walking Finn, eating, watching TV, running errands, and working out. I never thought I'd say this, but I'm rather enjoying it.

I've gotten so ridiculously organized at work that it scares me a little. I've never been so organized. My grade book/ plan book is so neat and all binder clipped and divided and filled out perfectly that I actually look for reasons to open it. I've gotten compulsive about doing things right away, knowing that if I shove it in a bin, it'll get lost and forgotten. I'm an efficient grading/ planning/ filing machine. Every day this week, I got absorbed into whatever I was doing and looked up at the clock to realize it was kind of late (for me) and I pushed in my chair and thought to myself, "What if I become a workaholic?" That's far-fetched, I know, but still a thought; a thought I'd never in my life considered.

And then I come home and I don't really have spending money at the moment, so all I'm doing is working out (because it's already paid for). Stupid me called Janet the Psychic the day I was paid without considering that I'd be short again this month. Why didn't she tell me I'd be in financial doom this month?!

The funny thing is, this used to happen to me all the time in Portland and I handled it many different ways- sometimes, I'd rationalize that everyone was in the same boat and use my credit card to get everything that I wanted ($500 left on that card and I closed it years ago.) Another thing I'd do is play the pity card... "oh, I simply cannot afford to do anything. Being a teacher is so hard!" or I'd throw temper tantrums in the privacy of my bedroom, burying my head in my pillow, clenching my fists and screaming with tears streaming out of my eyes like a four-year-old. Yes, that happened. One time, and I'm not kidding, I lost weight because I ran out of money and lived on apples, instant coffee, and 1/2 of a $.99 frozen bean and cheese burrito a day. (for those of you looking to lose weight fast, there's your trick!)

Things are different now. I'm not going to freak out or play the victim. I'm not going to throw a tantrum. I'm not going to allow myself to waste away on a diet of cheap food. I'm a rational adult. I just won't buy those new clothes I was looking forward to buying this weekend and I guess I can forget all about that tutu I was going to treat myself to for Halloween.

Of all the things I will have to go without for the next week and a half, I think it's the tutu that kills me the most. Beyond that, luckily for me, I'm in a quiet routine that doesn't require much money. Otherwise, I'd be fucked...

And luckily again, I have my new wig I bought at the wig shop a few weeks back, so I know I'll be fine.