this is halloween

In Halloween world, the best thing that could possibly happen is that Halloween falls on a Friday, Saturday, Sunday, or Monday. Personally, I like when it falls on a Monday. People are festive all weekend long and bring it on in for Monday. Good stuff. Last night, I went to a Halloween party where there were great costumes, tons of booze, good music, good times.

The house itself was amazing. That makes a huge difference right there. When you go to a party, any party, you want the space to be nice, clean, and have good energy. This house was all of those things, complete with a really open floor plan, tons of space and a back yard! It's not often you get to hang out in a back yard in Brooklyn. So, I was quite pleased when I realized that if I started to feel crowded or hot, I could simply step into a very cute and well-taken-care-of back yard.

A really important (and potentially dreadful) aspect of a party is the company. You've got to figure out who you will know there. Sometimes, you go to a party where you know tons of people and so it's a non-issue. I was invited by one of the party-throwers/ house-dwellers and a good friend of mine would be there, but that was it. You know that feeling where you know the party will be fun and you want to go but you also don't want to hang on your friend too much and you can never rely on the person who's throwing the party because they're busy shmoozing. This was not any type of issue here. First-off, within twenty minutes of getting there, in walked two other friends of mine, so that was wonderful. Second-off, everyone was really easy-going and open. It was fun; not at all cliquey. That's not always the case. And it could lead to an uncomfortable, low-level-stressful situation if it IS cliquey and not fun and inclusive. So, I was very relieved that everyone was cool.

I walked in bearing a six-pack of Smuttynose Pumpkin beer. I was told by a skeleton that there was a bucket in the backyard and I could put my beers in there. I walked out back and saw that it was a nice metal bucket and right next to it was a bin for recycling. When I realized that my beer was not a twist off, my friend pointed at the bar, and there was everything you might need for drinking- bottle opener for your beers, cork screw for your wine, they had all types of cups, liquor, mixers, ice... everything was right there for you.

And the snack table!!! You know this is what I was most excited about, right? People who know me or, maybe don't know me but have read a few of my posts, would know that when my eyes rested upon this fully-stocked snack table, they would light up like a jack o'lantern. They had salty snacks over on the left side, potato chips, cheese puffs, peanuts, and olives and on the right side, cupcakes (my weakness), candy, etc. A good party has a good variety of snacks.
End of story.

And lastly, the costumes. I really liked the costumes that people came in. I think one of the simplest and cutest costumes for me was the girl who dressed as a voodoo doll. There was also a barbie doll who came in a box, which was funny and won the contest but you're in a box all night. There was an owl, a siamese cat, a man from the press, Dexter, Day of the Dead skeletons, a sexy nurse (he was a guy) and my one friend had a costume that I don't know how to describe. He had a Nasa shirt and laser guns? I think. I don't know what I was, other than I got to wear my wig with a lace dress. It wasn't my most awesome work, but I got to have long, luscious, curls for an evening, and that's all I really care about.

When it comes to throwing a party, these people know what they're doing. Good people, good food, good drinks, good time!

ripped

It's been nearly one month since I've started working out. Zumba at least, at LEAST three times a week, topped with a few sessions of abs and IMX-pilates. I thought, for sure that by this time, I'd be wearing belly shirts and tight jeans showing off a lean and muscular midriff and tight, toned thighs. So, why am I still mushy???

Do I have to work out MORE? Will I ever look like this girl on the left? Is it possible that my results are being stunted by the fact that I've been eating more because now I'm exercising.

I don't think I have it in me to control myself when it comes to cupcake sales and all the Doritos that are busted out every day during snack in my classroom. I never used to take my kids' food when they offered me some of their chips or cookies and lately, I troll around doing "poison checks" to make sure that it's safe for them to eat!

Ok, so now I'm thirty-f .... in my thirties and I am recognizing that by body will change, is changing and there are things that I can do to slow it down. I am going to have to learn how to eat like a normal and heathy adult. I will eat no more bags of popcorn for dinner. Tonight, I will make myself a salad. I will cook more, learning good recipes for vegetables, because the thing is, I actually love vegetables when they're prepared in a creative and tasty way. I will resist the baked goods and chocolate that practically spill onto my desk during my work day.

I think, now that I found something that I love to do, it's time to set a goal. My goal could be something like resistance training at least twice a week. My roommate, who is a dancer and really into fitness, explained that your body has many layers- it's going to take time and dedication to see any type of change. I have to be patient. That's the hardest part about something like this; the patience thing.

October was for getting awesome and working out and writing a blog: mission accomplished. So, November will be dedicated to adding taking care of nourishing myself... and since it's October 27, I have a few days to binge out on chips, cakes, and french fries!

mixtape: a character study

Years ago, a very good friend of mine named Laura, moved into her new house in Beaverton, just outside of Portland. Upon moving in, a young couple brought over jars of homemade jelly (or jam; I never know the difference between the two). Because I came around a lot to hang out with Laura, I became friends with Sara Sjol and her husband Nate. They're good people and our friendships have lasted through me moving 3,000 miles away to Brooklyn.

Sara is an amazing artist. Her style is colorful, bold, and whimsical. She wrote to me about this new project she was doing: she would paint portraits of friends while listening to their favorite music for inspiration. I was super-ultra excited when she asked me to send her a mix of some of my favorite songs to inspire her while she painted a portrait of me.

She got my cd in the mail and must have started immediately because within days of receiving it, I was tagged in a photo and there it was. And here it is.

I love it! I love the colors she chose for me, the shapes, and how it's all put together. And I love the name she gave it: Light of Knowledge. Every time I look at it, I see something different or interpret something differently. I can't wait until I go to Portland to see this in person.

So, here's to Sara the artist! I'm happy to have been a part of such a cool project. Keep creating, Sara, you are amazing!

a quiet routine

I've never been one to be comfortable doing mundane things. I like to be really busy, my calendar completely filled up with events, movies, plays, phone dates, coffee dates, road trips, etc. And the fact is, lately, life has been so mellow. I've gotten into a quiet routine during the week of staying late at work to tie up all my loose ends, walking Finn, eating, watching TV, running errands, and working out. I never thought I'd say this, but I'm rather enjoying it.

I've gotten so ridiculously organized at work that it scares me a little. I've never been so organized. My grade book/ plan book is so neat and all binder clipped and divided and filled out perfectly that I actually look for reasons to open it. I've gotten compulsive about doing things right away, knowing that if I shove it in a bin, it'll get lost and forgotten. I'm an efficient grading/ planning/ filing machine. Every day this week, I got absorbed into whatever I was doing and looked up at the clock to realize it was kind of late (for me) and I pushed in my chair and thought to myself, "What if I become a workaholic?" That's far-fetched, I know, but still a thought; a thought I'd never in my life considered.

And then I come home and I don't really have spending money at the moment, so all I'm doing is working out (because it's already paid for). Stupid me called Janet the Psychic the day I was paid without considering that I'd be short again this month. Why didn't she tell me I'd be in financial doom this month?!

The funny thing is, this used to happen to me all the time in Portland and I handled it many different ways- sometimes, I'd rationalize that everyone was in the same boat and use my credit card to get everything that I wanted ($500 left on that card and I closed it years ago.) Another thing I'd do is play the pity card... "oh, I simply cannot afford to do anything. Being a teacher is so hard!" or I'd throw temper tantrums in the privacy of my bedroom, burying my head in my pillow, clenching my fists and screaming with tears streaming out of my eyes like a four-year-old. Yes, that happened. One time, and I'm not kidding, I lost weight because I ran out of money and lived on apples, instant coffee, and 1/2 of a $.99 frozen bean and cheese burrito a day. (for those of you looking to lose weight fast, there's your trick!)

Things are different now. I'm not going to freak out or play the victim. I'm not going to throw a tantrum. I'm not going to allow myself to waste away on a diet of cheap food. I'm a rational adult. I just won't buy those new clothes I was looking forward to buying this weekend and I guess I can forget all about that tutu I was going to treat myself to for Halloween.

Of all the things I will have to go without for the next week and a half, I think it's the tutu that kills me the most. Beyond that, luckily for me, I'm in a quiet routine that doesn't require much money. Otherwise, I'd be fucked...

And luckily again, I have my new wig I bought at the wig shop a few weeks back, so I know I'll be fine.

what's up with my future?

I'm kind of obsessed with all things new agey. I love reading about astrology, and talking to people who have that sixth sense. I also visit psychics quite frequently. Call it a hobby; I love it. When I meet someone new that I take a liking to, one of the first things I like to find out is that person's sign.

Knowing the sun sign is interesting, but the real information comes from knowing his or her ascendant and moon signs. That's super telling. And when I call psychics (I like to talk to one of my three psychics a few times a year, sometimes talking to all three and comparing notes), I think it's funny that the things they pick up on usually have to do with the attributes of my rising and my moon (I am a Leo with a Scorpio rising and a Gemini moon... in other words: I. Am. Fucked. The Scorpio side of me takes no bullshit, sees through the games people play and calls people out, in other words, fucking scary. Scorpios also don't know how to let go of things and are extremely sensitive, moody, and brooding. We are also great leaders, loyal companions, and have good character. Enter Gemini. This is the moon talking. The Gemini side of me is really flighty, talkative, and high strung, anxious, if you will. We can live inside our heads a little too much and rationalize away our bad habits. We can also be our friends' biggest cheerleaders, funny, and airy. But the Leo in me usually wants attention and love and affection and for all to admire my very existence. Do you see what I mean? I am fucked.

And that is what psychics pick up on and I find it fascinating. They usually can tell (and I've never met Janet, my phone psychic who lives upstate) that I am very sensitive but really analytical. It's very difficult to live that way- being so split.

I wish that Janet would tell me the wonderful things she picks up on and it would come true within weeks or months. Sometimes, it takes a year before I remember things that she said. And, if that's the case, is it just a matter of piecing things together? For example, if she says, "there's a friend of yours that's upset, I see an M... do you know someone with an M?" and I think of Maria, chances are, Maria may have been upset about something or will likely get upset about something anyway. So then I'll notice in a few weeks that Maria is upset over a fight with her boyfriend. This may have been no big deal, but since my psychic pointed it out to me, I'm taking notice more. I don't know if this is real or fake; good or bad. I just find it interesting.

The other thing that I was wondering about is how much of it I am forcing to come true. The first time I saw Diane from Queens, she honed in on someone I was dating and she said, "you'll have a fun relationship. It'll be nice but it won't last. I see a big six... something to do with six" This is what she said. So, of course, for the entirety of that relationship, I'm asking myself, what is 6? Does it mean that we'll only date for six weeks? When we got past the six week mark, then I began looking for other clues having to do with six. I eventually found an answer, which is a little too private to share on a blog, but still to this day wonder if I made that six as big as it needed to be because the psychic brought it to my attention.

Also, the foreign travel. Diane, in one of my reading says, "I see a lot of travel for you. You'll be going out of the country this year." I hadn't been out of the country since 1998 except to go to Canada a few times, which I hardly consider foreign travel. Now, did she put it in my head that I need to do this? Did she give me that push that I needed to renew my passport and finally book those trips I had wanted to go on for years? At any rate, I did travel abroad this year. Twice. Alone. And I'll never know whether Diane put that in my head or if it would have happened anyway.

I guess, for me, a psychic helps me sort things out in my mind. She gives me hope; something to look forward to. Sometimes, she gives me a nudge in a good direction. The thing that they always say (and this is probably why I keep going back; because I love and need to hear this) is, "don't worry because you are exactly where you need to be in life. You're in exactly the right place."

I know this is the case... but sometimes hearing it from someone else makes it so much more powerful. Even more so when you're paying them to hear it.

believe it or not, we are a lucky generation of people

It's so hard to remember this little fact: we are lucky. And today, I was faced with this realization in my class: Meeting Hate with Humanity: The Holocaust. This class is housed in the Jewish Heritage Museum and hosts a living memorial to the Holocaust.

When I was eight, I read Judy Blume's Starring Sally Jane Freedman as Herself. It was about an elementary-aged American girl who lived during World War II. To her, the war was a world away and she and her friends would play a game called Concentration Camp where one person would be a prisoner and a few would be the guard and they would send each other to the showers... She would have nightmares about it and try to make sense of it, as did I. It was bizarre to me. Even the name, Concentration Camp. Being eight, I didn't get it and I believed that this was made up so I asked my fourth grade reading teacher. She told me that these camps did exist; they were real. My whole world was shaken.

Today, in my class, a woman named Sally Frishberg (once Sarah Engelberg) came to talk to us. She, basically, was a younger Anne Frank without a diary. Living in Poland during the 1930s, her and her family complied with all the new laws being passed every few months or so and for years, they just hoped that things would get better; that the badness would go away and take the fear with it. There was a soldier being quartered in her home who spoke Yiddish (as did her father). The confusing thing to Sally was how kind the soldiers were. She watched as him and her father played chess and talked late into the evening. He warned her father that this war was different. It wasn't just the soldiers that would suffer. He needed to think and listen to things that happen. And so, the final direction from the nazis to the Jews in her small Polish town: all Jews must report to the train station on this day at this time. Her father said to his family, "we are not going." To this day, Sally wonders to herself constantly why some people resist and some people don't. Where does this decision come from and what is the difference from person to person? In her case, it came down to circumstance. Her grandfather loved Germany, being a World War I veteran and he believed her father to be crazy. He showed up to the station and Sally never heard from him again.

So, her family of six, her aunt, uncle and their three children crept out into the farmland of Poland and, for a time, their life consisted of running by night, shaking trees for food, and hiding under bales of hay by day. One day, a family friend found them and agreed to hide them in their attic so that they wouldn't freeze to death with the coming of winter. The eleven family members lived in that attic together in silence for two years, clamping their hands over the infants' mouths the entire time. At one point, they were joined by four of Sally's uncles who were alive and on the run as well.

Sally spoke of the will of her family, the different ways that it effected each member of her family (her sister, very full of fear and insecure to this very day; her mother, very much effected by this experience) and I watched her speak of her life, her own will, and her family while her eyes twinkled with the look of absolute wonder and love, the tiniest bit of tear lingering along the bottom, and falling down her cheek; barely perceptable until the light hit in the right place.

This woman was living proof of the power of a person's will. She demonstrated the ability to live through these experiences and to come out of it by rising above and not hating. When I was in eighth grade, we read The Diary of Anne Frank and my English teacher, Miss Inglima asked us why we thought this was such an important book and why we continued to read it today. I raised my hand and answered the question with this answer: the fact that Anne Frank watched her own people be killed by the thousands while she hid away and wasn't filled with hate made it amazing.

I believe that Sally Frishberg, who is 77-years-old and gets driven around by her loving husband to speak on behalf of her experience is amazing. The difference between her and Anne Frank is that Anne Frank wasn't as lucky as to come out of her experience alive.

Thank you, Sally.

on giving birth

I, like most women my age, have been wondering more and more if being a mom is in the cards for me. When I see expectant new mamas with their pregnant bellies, I think that I would not want to miss out on that experience. When the newborn baby cuddles into you, it's such a love and a peacefulness that I will only comprehend from the outside. Today, I visited an old friend of mine from high school and her insanely cute four-month-old baby. I definitely left with some thoughts.

For one thing, that baby is cute. All the other babies that my friends have had over the years are too. Those parents are going to have the luxury of watching him/ her grow up, through all those amazing phases every human goes through. When you have a baby, you are forced to put stupid thoughts/ problems on the back burner. This little person needs you, so petty things don't rate as high in your life anymore, they can't because you're too wiped out from breast-feeding, swaddling, laundry, burping, and diaper changing.

Having a baby also means that you get to experience the kind of love that you didn't know existed until the baby came along. This is one of those life-altering events that babyless people will never have the opportunity to experience.

But, we've got a lot of pros for babies here. There are significant downfalls as well and let's not forget them. For one, going out to eat is hard. You've got to find a place that's not too small, so you can fit yourself, baby, stroller, diaper bag, etc. If the baby starts crying, you've got to stop eating... and then guess what happens after the baby is done crying and other patrons have given you annoyed looks... YOUR FOOD IS COLD! That is some heavy shit right there, huh? What about when your baby shits while you're shopping... what then? You also don't get to go to the movies as often (and if you're like me, you like to go to the movies, like, once a week) This would seriously bum me out.

Your needs no longer come first. When you venture out, it's with, like, a hundred extra pounds of crap; and when you live in NYC, that's an even bigger deal. Every little thing has to be thought through just a little bit more; taking a shower, having enough food in the house, having all the right items in your diaper bag, sleeping, etc. This seems particularly daunting to me: a person who puts minimal thought into how I live my daily life.

I am by no means trying to point out that having babies sucks. I don't think that to be the case. This seems to have turned into my little way of trying to figure out if this is something I might want someday or not; sort of like a public pros & cons list.

And the truth is, child birth is beautiful. Being a parent is beautiful. It's the type of experience that we'll never understand until we're in it. All those difficulties that come along with it fade into the recesses of your memory because when you look into the eyes of a brand new, innocent, beautiful baby who looks up at you, their mom or dad with that look of love, wonder, and amazement, everything else seems like nothing but petty nonsense.

And, hey, I bet hearing how cute your baby is never gets old.

October 9, 2011

My evening consists of two amazing pieces that will be brought together in complete harmony:
The first part is the Kardashian Wedding on E! and the second part is junk food. I have Ben & Jerry's S'mores ice cream waiting in the freezer for me. I also have Brad's White Cheddar Puffs. Even the biggest health food junkie can't deny that this seems like the perfect evening. Hey, I've worked out five times since last Saturday so I totally deserve this. Never mind the fact that last night, my friends and I followed up our completely fatty meal with beers and White Castle. Health, BE DAMNED!!!! (I did gross myself out, by the way).

The thing is, I've had a totally terrific week. I've been stupid busy, social, completely productive, and have taken care of my body (minus the junk food). So, tonight, while the thought crossed my mind to take myself to see Contagion or calling some friends who also have off to maybe go out, I decided that I would probably enjoy Plan B more. The fact that I haven't showered today and don't look all that hot definitely helps Plan B's case.

And so, what do we think Kim and Humpries are going to fight about during the planning of this impossibly lavish wedding? I bet it'll be over Kim's controlling ways. Or Kris will get in the way and piss off the engaged couple. Who knows? That's why I have to stay in and see what is going to happen.

This is a big deal, people. Get your DVRs ready if you won't be home. Come on, you know you care.

salt & fat

I'm a meat-eater. I'm also a dairy-lover. However, I'm oversensitive to the plight of the factory farmed animal. Every few months, I'm reminded of where the burger I'm eating actually comes from and then I decide to take another stab at vegetarianism. I would kill to be able to handle a vegan diet, but alas, I cannot. I was vegan for three & a half months back in 2009 and what happened? I ended up with a diet consisting of vegan ice cream and Sweet & Sara vegan, peanut butter smores. It was bad news for this girl.

I logged onto facebook a little while ago and saw a picture that my friend just posted of a pig on a stick hanging above a fire, its skin all shriveled, it's face all, well, dead. I felt sad when I saw it. One time, a few of my friends and I were walking to a bar, late one night. A truck was turning a corner. On this truck were crates stacked one on top of the other, each crate containing chickens, packed in so tightly they couldn't move. I had flashes of the Holocaust... and I cried in public and had to remove myself and walk home. Over-sensitive? Yes. Can I help it? No.

So, why am I such a hypocrite? I care so much but I can't seem to stop myself from ordering a cheeseburger and bacon and eggs. And right after I saw that picture on Facebook, I thought to myself, that's it, I'm going vegetarian again... and then I realized that I was going to Salt & Fat tonight. It's been a plan for two weeks so I can't suggest another place.

What I think the universe is trying to tell me is, "TOUGHEN UP YOU FUCKING BABY! YOU THINK YOU'RE THE ONE MAKING THIS GENOCIDE OF FARM ANIMALS HAPPEN? YOU'RE NOT THE CENTER OF THE UNIVERSE!"

Jeez. The universe can be really bossy sometimes.

routine

I am at a loss for words tonight. It's bumming me out so hard because I'm trying to stick to a routine of writing every day (or at least for this week, I have been).

I can talk about today's weather, which was GORGEOUS. I had the luxury of spending the entire day outside at a park with my seventh graders and coworkers. I loved making this joke today: "you know, this is no day in the park!" (god, I can be corny!) It was perfect out today. 70. Sunny. Everyone was happy to be out and about. I feel lucky. Lucky that we go on trips like these- that some days I go to work and walk kids to a park to play in the sunshine! I love our December trip to the movies. For some reason, that is my favorite- way better than any other trip. I think it's because the movie trip usually comes shortly before Christmas break. It brings about a good feeling.

My life is filled with goodness, now that I think about my day: I got home from a day in the park with really funny, cool kids, walked my infinitely amazing dog, went shopping for cute workout clothes and sneakers, met up with a friend for coffee, and went to work out. No reason to complain, like ever.

I guess this entry is dedicated to gratitude. Because I have a good life. And we all need to remember that a little more often.

And so, I include a picture of Hekla (Icelandic & extremely active volcano) to remind us all that we are so much smaller than nature, that things can change in an instant, and that every second should be appreciated...

my kind of work out

When October came along four short days ago, I kicked it into high gear and haven't looked back. I throw caution to the wind, baby, because I'm a wild one! So, tonight, after I helped try to recruit some students to my middle school at the Middle School Fair, I went to another Zumba class.

And since I worked out, I decided that I totally deserved ice cream.

Now, I'm not the biggest shopper ever. I go in spurts where I love to shop and I buy a ton of stuff and then I'm done for a while. And when I shop, whether it's shoes or clothes or jewelry, I don't take that long. I'm in and out... just like on prom night! (wah wah).

So, knowing that, I am in constant bewilderment that it's not clothes that takes me forever when I shop, it's picking out an ice cream flavor.

Here's my process, step by step:

1. I decide that I want ice cream.

2. I decide what kind I want (Ben & Jerry's, Van Leeuwan, etc.).

3. If I decide I want Van Leeuwan, it's easy. I go to the truck and get vanilla. If I decide I want Ben & Jerry's, I check my schedule and my watch and make sure I have enough time for this decision.

4. I go to the store and check the selection and see what they have.

5. I check in with myself and ask myself if I want a familiar standby or something new (which we all know is a huge risk.)

6. If I'm looking for a familiar favorite, I then ask myself if I want texture/ crunchy bits in my ice cream. If I do: I then look to see if they have Americone Dream or Chubby Hubby. If I don't, I look for Peanut Butter Cup or Boston Cream Pie. Here's the problem with A.D. and C.H.- if they're super fresh and the pretzels/ caramel cone pieces are crispy, it's heaven on Earth. If it's even just a tiny bit old, the pieces are soggy and it kills the experience. It's a gamble and a huge one at that. I know what you're thinking right now: "just check the expiration date!" No, but thanks for your two cents. Believe me, I've tried. It's not that simple or I would have figured out the system and there would be no problem... there would just be me surrounded by empty cartons of Chubby Hubby. Basically, I'd be living in an apartment filled with empty containers. I'd open my sock drawer and ... yep! you guessed it, empty cartons of Chubby Hubby! But I digress.

Once I narrow it down to one of these textured or non-textured ice cream flavors, sometimes, I'll just read the description again and again. Tonight, I actually put the flavors behind my back and made the owner pick a hand. It's gotten that bad...

7. If I decide that I am feeling adventurous, then I go to the flavors I keep meaning to try: Oatmeal Cookie Chunk and Red Velvet, Milk and Cookies and Mission to Marzipan (actually, I don't really want to eat Mission to Marzipan, I just really like the name a lot.

So, you can see how difficult the process is for me. Every time I successfully walk out of a shop with a container of Ben & Jerry's ice cream, I feel like someone, somewhere should play We are the Champions by Queen and put a gold medal around my neck. The deliberation is debilitating.

Anyway, tonight, I felt adventurous and I was holding Oatmeal Cookie Chunk in my hand when a girl pointed to a whole new flavor that I hadn't even noticed: Maple Blondie. It's maple flavored ice cream with a caramel swirl and bits of blondie throughout. My analysis is that it's fine. It is a limited edition so I'm glad that I'm having this ice cream experience but I will never get it again, the blondie bits taste raw-ish and would be way better with chocolate chips. Next time I'm going outside of my ice cream comfort zone, I'm sticking with my gut and getting Oatmeal Cookie Chunk... or Red Velvet.

Good Tuesday.

hey there, mr. blue skyyyyyyyyy

A friend and I just ate at a little taco place nearby and on the walk home, since it is cold and drizzly out, talked about getting warm at home. I decided that the best thing that I could do between now and my 8:15 zumba class (because I am continuing my path to infinite awesomeness) is to put on my exercise clothes, get super cozy, blog and relax. I put on a playlist I made a while back and each song is bringing me back to a particular time and place... which is the great thing about music; it has that effect on us all. Nobody was in that exact moment in time and space, in my mind at the moment that each of these particular songs were playing. And since you know I'm all about sharing these days, I share a bit of my playlist and a few (condensed) memories. Here goes:

1. Martha Reeves/ Heat Wave - reminds me of this artist dancing in his studio setting up his equipment

2. ELO/ Mr. Blue Sky- reminds me of last September 25th at a birthday party, a friend dj-ing, this song came on and we all danced until 4am. It was a great night.

3. Built to Spill/ Else- a bar in Portland with this guy I was beginning to fall for (we didn't date until a year and a half later). We listened to this song and talked with our friends around us.

4. Cocorosie/ Tekno Love Song- a friend of mine filmed me at a restaurant when we were both learning how to use iMovie. He set footage of me looking into a camera to this song at a Polish diner and sent it to me. It was really cool.

5. Rilo Kiley/ Bulletproof- last summer, when I first started working at the cafe, a friend of mine loved Rilo Kiley and we used to listen to it nonstop while we worked.

6. Quasi/ Bon Voyage- Portland. Toyota Corolla. Nonstop.

7. Holly Golightly/ There is an End- reminds me of watching Broken Flowers in my bed with a gentleman that I dated.

8. Rachel Portman/ Never Let Me Go- a friend and I went to see Never Let Me Go with Carrie Mulligan and this song is beautiful. It reminds me of the movie and the friend that I saw it with.

9. Camera Obscura/ Lloyd, I'm Ready to be Heartbroken- February 2009, listening to this on vinyl in the morning while a good friend of mine and I drank french press coffee and ate oatmeal with greek yogurt and fresh blueberries in Los Angeles.

10. Grandaddy/ Final Push to the Sum- reminds me of all my time in Portland being one giant blur of running, learning, drinking, teaching, dating, crying, laughing, experiencing, and not remembering all the people I meet over time. The lyrics make you think that... this song is about moving on, but sometimes a little too quickly. But the really amazing thing about this song is that it encapsulates that feeling ONLY in Portland. It doesn't cross over to NYC. Weird.

So, there it is! A sampling of a playlist and my memory with each song. I'm going to leave you with a song to listen to and feel happy about. Farewell for today.

Driving Mr. Gosling

Guess what I did today... yep. I went to the movies to see Drive. Finally. Everybody has been telling me to go see it. I have to say, I love Ryan Gosling (nothing unique about that). A few weeks ago, I had an intense dream about the two of us. We were in love and holding hands and really going for it, relationship-wise. Ryan was my leading man that night. So the fact that I didn't feel the drive to see Drive (see what I did???!) was confusing to me. I mean, what is happening to my love for Ryan?

So, what did I think? I know everyone is basically waiting on pins and needles to hear my analysis of Drive. So, here it is: my opinion is that it was good. not awesome. not horrible. good.

I'm no fool. I can recognize a good film from a bad one. This movie has phenomenal acting, a fantastic soundtrack and the cinematography is beautiful, as is the storyline (and of course, let's not forget the writing and direction). I guess it is a little too gory for me. And the thing is, and this is really hard for me to face, but, Ryan and I have begun to go our separate ways since December when I watched his relationship with Michelle Williams go to shit in Blue Valentine. Since then, I guess we've begun to grow apart and develop different interests.

Please, Ryan, it's not you! It's me! You're doing wonderful things and you should continue on your path and do what you need to do to be happy. I'm going to stay behind with the Blue Valentines and the Half Nelsons of the cinema. But you will always have a special place in my heart, Ryan.

it's time to bust out some old videos

It's a new month, a new blog, a new Laura... but let's not abandon some amazingness from my past. No, in fact, now I'd like to celebrate it. I made this video nearly two years ago with my friend, John. And that wig, may she rest in peace, (she suffocated in a black mold attack) was my favorite, by the way.

Let us celebrate! Maybe this will inspire me to finally make a new one.

Tamale Pie Saturday

I'm not a cook and I'm not a baker. When I'm not grabbing something on the go, I'm sitting down at a restaurant or a cafe for my meals. When I do prepare my own food, it's assemble, don't cook. I eat tons of cheese and crackers, yogurt and granola, and snack foods. Since we all know that October is the best time to get your awesome on, I decided to kick it off by buying the ingredients to make a dish that I love: tamale pie! It's among my favorite dishes to make for a few reasons:

1. It's not difficult to make.
2. It's a casserole and I love casseroles.
and
3. It's DELICIOUS!

Here we go. This is the recipe I am using:

This tamale pie recipe is made with ground beef, onion, peppers, tomatoes, corn, olives, and cheese, and has a cornmeal and cheese crust.

Ingredients:

• 1 pound lean ground beef
• 1 cup chopped onion
• 1 large green bell pepper, chopped
• 1 large can (15 ounces) tomato sauce
• 1 large can (28 ounces) tomatoes, cut up
• 1 can (16 ounces) whole kernel corn, drained
• 1 small can (4 ounces) sliced ripe olives
• 2 cloves garlic, minced
• 1 tablespoon sugar
• 1/2 teaspoon salt
• 2 teaspoons chili powder
• dash black pepper
• 1 cup grated Cheddar or Mexican blend cheese
• .
• Crust:
• 3/4 cup yellow cornmeal
• 1/2 teaspoon salt
• 2 cups cold water
• 1/2 teaspoon chili powder
• 1 tablespoon butter or margarine
• 1/2 cup grated Cheddar or Mexican blend cheese, for topping (optional)

Preparation:

Brown ground beef with onions and green pepper; drain well. Add tomato sauce, tomatoes, corn, olives, garlic, sugar, salt, chili powder and black pepper. Heat to boiling; reduce heat and simmer, uncovered, for about 20 minutes, or until thickened. Add cheese; stir until cheese is melted. Set filling aside.
In a saucepan, combine cornmeal, salt, water and chili powder. Cook over medium heat, stirring constantly, until thick. Stir in butter. Spread half of the mixture into a baking dish, about 12- x 8-inches. Spoon filling over bottom crust; spoon remaining cornmeal mixture over filling. Bake at 375° for 45 minutes. If desired, sprinkle 1/2 cup cheese over the crust about 5 minutes before casserole is done.
Serves 6.

*This recipe I'm sharing is from http://southernfood.about.com

fall= vegan pumpkin cheesecake

Last October, I brought a vegan pumpkin cheesecake to school for my coworkers. I'm not vegan, but I think this is totally delicious and I eat so much cheese and ice cream that whenever I can avoid it without missing it, I jump on the opportunity...

and so, it is time to start baking and sharing. The cool thing about this recipe is that my coworkers loved it! And they are old school Italian women who love GOOD food and tease those of us who eat things like vegan asian food and drink almond milk. And so, I share this recipe with you. Because it is delicious.

Pumpkin Cheesecake

Ingredients (use vegan versions):

12 ounces firm silken tofu, pressed and drained
8 ounces vegan cream cheese (I use Tofutti Cream Cheese)
1 (14 ounce) can pumpkin
1 cup sugar
3 tablespoons flour
1/2 teaspoon ground ginger
1/2 teaspoon cinnamon
1/8 teaspoon salt
1/4 teaspoon baking soda
1 prepared graham cracker crust

Directions:

1. Preheat oven to 350 degrees F. Puree all ingredients besides the crust in a blender or food processor until smooth.

2. Pour into pie crust and bake for 50 minutes.

3. Allow to cool for 30 minutes, cover and refrigerate for at least 6 hours before serving.

Makes: 1 Pie, Preparation time: 15 minutes, Cooking time: 50 minutes

I got this recipe from: http://acam.typepad.com/communitytable

october is for awesome people

I love the fall. I love that click from hot to cool. I love the newness of the school year for us teachers; my desk is extraordinarily neat and organized and I'm completely on top of... no AHEAD of the game. I also love the feeling of a new season; a new era. It's a time for new beginnings, even more than January 1st.

And so, with the coming of the fall and the changing of the seasons, I am making some changes. And, believe me, I am all about making changes and new beginnings. I woke up early and worked out (for a change)! I'm attempting to work out at least twice a week. You know, I have to take it slow to start. Make sure it works and it's worth my time!

I am a nerd who loves to take tons of different classes and learn new things, so my two classes coming up will keep me busy and content. I'm saving a little money (attempting to, anyway) and taking a break from improv. The break is good and bad. I've been doing it straight since April and I love it... but maybe it's time to just process it. So, there's another reason I can work out more! I just opened up three hours in my week!

I also need time for all the season premieres coming up... the Kardashian wedding is a two night event that isn't going to watch itself!

And so, here's to getting awesome. Here's to a new season. Here's to sweaters, leaves turning orange, and pumpkin cheesecake. Here's to October: the month to get awesome.